Becoming an Alchemist
Getting my life together kinda feels like Charlie Day at a whiteboard with string
Life lately has felt like balancing on a skateboard while trying to heat a bunsen burner and call your Aunt for her birthday at the same time. Ya know the feeling?
It’s where I am lately. This is a journal style-entry where I share my experience in balancing projects, piecing my life together, a book release from a dear friend, and a list of What’s Been Getting Me Through.
Quick update: Ya girl published her website this week(!) I needed to capture RSVP’s for my upcoming film screening on April 26 in Easthampton, MA, and there was no time like the present to use the domain I already paid for. Check out my website here and RSVP to my film screening.
Learning Balance
As a middle child and a Libra, I feel like I'm always seeking to find my balance. I learned to find my physical balance at a young age, between rollerblading, skateboarding, and being the child of parents with addictions.
If I didn't create balance, I wouldn't have it. I would fall, either into the curb or onto someone else's bad side.
While I learned to keep physical balance well when I was young, it was only more recently that I began being more intentional in finding balance in other areas of my life.
I'm knee deep in preparing for my film premiere while managing a day job, entrepreneurship, other creative endeavors, and most importantly, trying to balance the rest of my life, including marriage, health, family, and a whole host of other things I can't lay out in a Substack entry.
Tl;dr – I'm trying to get my OK-GO on.
Truthfully, I’ve been wondering if it's less about finding balance, and more about being comfortable with the ebb and flow of life. Despite it all, I’m grateful to get to learn how to balance again.
Because I took the risk to try something new, it meant that I had to shed the parts of me that no longer balanced out with who I want to be.
Piecing My Life Together
As I began shedding parts of my old self (and old habits) that no longer served me, I knew that I had to piece myself together. As a latchkey kid all grow’d up, this was nothing new to me.
When parts of my life fell apart before, I would let the pieces fall and only pick up as much as I could hold in my pockets: my savings, what little bits of my self-worth I could find, my tenacious spirit that won’t leave well enough alone.
Now that I’m more intentional and present in my body than I ever have been before, I’m trying to string things together with purpose towards the life I want to live.
You ever just feel like Charlie Day, sometimes? This is what it feels like piecing my life together intentionally. This sh*t is not for the faint of heart. It’s strange, messy, powerful, and a little manic at times.
Piecing my life together feels like less of a vision board and more of a whiteboard flowchart with string.
Amalgamation
I’m trying to be in my Nicholas Flamel bag and be an alchemist when it comes to moving my life in the direction I want. Like Flamel, I’m learning to combine many great things to become something new. Instead of using flames and metal alloys, I’m doing it with parts of myself.
Amalgamation is alchemy. Amalgamation is synthesis. Amalgamation is death and rebirth.
None of this is new in the grand scheme of the world. It’s romanticizing my life, building my life, gamefying my life, sticking to my commitments, amalgamation, and a whole host of other synonyms that mean moving my life in the direction that I want it to go in. I’m just trying to be intentional and stick with something for a time.
Viola Davis told us that the only person you owe anything to is your 6 year old self and your 80 year old self. Ever since I heard that, I’m trying to make sure that both of them feel good with where I’m going.
RSVP to my Film Premiere | Sat, April 26 at 4:00 pm in Easthampton, MA
Here’s an updated flyer with a link to RSVP to the screening on my website (!!!!)
All Is The Telling by Rosa Castellano
My friend and creative accountability partner, Rosa Castellano, has her debut book of poems out this week titled, All Is The Telling. I was fortunate to read a portion of the book and was absolutely blown away.
Support Rosa by ordering a copy of All Is The Telling here.
What’s Been Getting Me Through
Saturday Morning Cartoons.
My partner and I have been doing this thing where we watch cartoons for at least 20 min on Saturday and Sunday mornings. It’s honestly become one of my weekend highlights. It’s a way to have some fun, see things from a different perspective, and begin the day with the delight of a child. What more could you want?
Last week, Craig of the Creek had us all in our feelings.
What My Bones Know by Stefanie Foo.
I first heard of this book on Navigating Narcissism podcast with Dr. Ramani. Stephanie’s episode dove into Complex-trauma/Complex-PTSD, another first for me. Even with degrees in psychology and social work, that was my first exposure to Complex-PTSD. It was a reminder that there is always more to learn.
Little Ouchies.
Just like my favorite Garfield meme implies, I am not immune to propaganda. I was influenced on the clock app (though I didn’t make this purchase through the tik tok shop). From the moment I ripped it out the plastic, I was in love.
Little Ouchies are my favorite, and I’ve taken it everywhere. It really has been getting me through.
Changing Seasons.
We’re in the middle of the changing seasons. The ground is a little softer. The rain is more present. Truthfully, I’ve been looking forward to another heavy snowfall this season. Just one more to help my hominid brain be less fearful of climate change. It doesn’t look like it’s going to happen. I gotta take what I can get.
It's been nice being in nature again. Mushroom foraging (more on that another time!). Evenings gazing at the stars now that the clouds aren’t so thick. Strolls through the evergreens near my home.
Take a quick stroll with me through the forest.
Resistance // Existence
This past weekend, millions marched to demand an end to the war in Gaza. I’m energized by the mass protests in all 50 states across the country. I’m also hopeful that people will take the time to continue to stay active on this issue, and other issues that they care about.
Protests often get the glory, but it’s often the daily, everyday actions that make those actions possible: calling people to talk about their interests, updating a spreadsheet for an event, creating a meeting agenda.
I hope you can find your daily acts of resistance, and that each day on this Earth, your actions align closer with your values.
Thanks for being along for the ride and subscribing to my digital archive and public journal, Muzzanni’s Multitudes. If this entry resonated with you or helped you to feel a little less alone, please share my Substack by re-posting it on your feed or sending it to someone you know. This allows me to grow Muzzanni’s Multitudes, which in turn allows my art to blossom.
Kenyatta ✨
You continue to amaze me friend.
I’m so honored to be friends with such a brilliant human being 🥰🤲🏼✨
Coming to the April 26 film!