I’m Making A Short Film
It’s a very vulnerable thing, sharing oneself on film for anyone to see.
I’ve been expanding lately.
It’s a strange feeling. Growing pains of cracking joints, unfamiliar neurons firing, and new habits developing.
I’ve been allowing myself to take up space unencumbered, to grow to unimaginable heights.
It’s a very vulnerable thing, sharing oneself on film for anyone to see. Possibly for no one to see.
My journey to this film. I’ve wanted to make a film for some time now. Over the past year, I planned a few different versions of what this film could be. An anthropological study expressed as a documentary, an experimental film made up of three distinct parts. Once I settled on a direction, I walked many paths to unearth the version I settled on. I waded through a bog of mushroomssnakesclownsandmadness.
After nearly two years, an amalgamation of excitement/anxiety and acceptance came over me when I saw my current path ahead. I knew I had settled on a decision. I knew where I wanted to go. I knew who I wanted to become.
Creating your own path. I wanted to make a film, so I made the opportunity for myself to make a film. After getting accepted into the Brew & Forge Fellowship in the summer of 2024, the path to the film was in full sprint. The culmination of this organizing and writing fellowship is a community-share back project. A project where Fellows are to “share some of what [we’ve] learned and experienced with [our] community.”
At first I didn’t want to let go of all the thoughts of what I could/would/should be making a film. The voice was my own, judgemental and condescending. Acceptance washed over me, and I strapped that voice to my back like a jet pack, and ran as fast as I could down that new path. I’m still running down that path. I took a risk, started again with yet another adjacent-but- new-enough idea for my film, and took this path all the way to the end.
I had to write the tale that scares me.
Becoming The Clown.
BE HERE NOW is a short film about an unemployed writer and activist with a fear of clowns, who is greeted by a clown version of herself in her bedroom. It’s a journey into the mind that grapples with existence, resistance, and what it means to be human.
The tale that scares me is a tale about myself. During my Brew & Forge Fellowship, I took a risk at accepting myself a little bit more than I had the day before. I walked into the retreat more confidently. My inner nerd, inner science geek, inner musings were on full display. Despite the fear of nagging in the back of my mind - fear of everything, if I’m honest - I didn’t shirk about my experiences as an organizer or a writer. I believed that I belonged at Brew & Forge. And so it was.
The tale that scares me is a tale about myself. Of being. The fear that I can grow to unimaginable heights. The fear that I am not just what I once was, but that I am.
I was only able to get to this point by taking the risk of creation - both in taking the risk to create the person I want to be and the risk in creating an opportunity for myself.
BE HERE NOW will premiere at the end of April 2025. I can’t wait to share more with you, including ways you can join an in-person and virtual screening.
It’s a very vulnerable thing, sharing oneself on film for anyone to see. Possibly for no one to see.
I’m proud of myself for taking the risk in spite of it all.
What’s Been Getting Me Through
Concentrate by Courtney Faye Taylor and The Lesson by Cadwell Turnbull. Both books I found in the library and both have poured life into me. These books got me through the past 2 weeks of planning, filming, and traveling. Both have made a special home in my heart.
O-Ren Ishii. This scene has been living in my head rent-free. I often come to it when I need reminders of who the fuck I am.
Content notice: fake blood, fake dismembered head below.
Friendship. I’m being intentional about loving more loudly on my people, intentional about building new relationships founded on mutual connection. Two weeks ago I took a trip to Michigan to visit friends. Getting out of my head and connecting with friends while traveling was the reset I needed.
Carbon Based Lifeforms. I stumbled upon Carbon Based Lifeforms on Youtube. I have a fondness for progressive rock instrumental bands. CBL is an early pioneer whose music provides the soundtrack for your internal exploration. The perfect backdrop for my musings on life, existence, and the Universe around us. Their album Derelicts has been on repeat.
Thanks for being along for the ride.
Kenyatta ✨
Anytime I see someone wants to make a short film, I say—do it.
The most powerful form of filmmaking is telling stories for yourself first.
Your tribe will find you.
Congrats on becoming.
GAH!!! This is amazing!!!