Midway Through the Roaring Twenties
Musings, fundraisers, & metronomes
Hey, homie. It's good to see you, and it's good to be seen by you.
I've been under the cloak of winter for a few weeks now. It's been nice to be in my ice palace. I’ve grown quite fond of this crystal fortress. But it's getting too cold. My toes are beginning to thaw.
In this entry, I share my organized thoughts on our present political moment in the United States, updates from my birthday fundraiser, and delve into a list of things that have gotten me through lately.
All Is Violent, All Is Bright
I’ve been trying to pen my thoughts on where we are since the election. The words were there, but I wasn’t making time to edit them down. My thoughts were jumbled, filled with fragmented connections to other things and analogies that pulled away from the core of what I wanted to say. Instead of taking the time to write and parse through my thoughts, I filled my life with other things: had conversations with friends, calls with colleagues, joined meetings where I took notes, moved to action, reached out to my lawmakers, and then some.
All of this effort, of course, was a classic case of moving too much so I don’t have to stop and reflect.
Months later, I’m forcing myself to stop. I’m ready to reflect, and ready to share. Often the problem feels so insurmountable that it’s hard to know where to begin. I learned that the easiest way to start is to take a deep breath and let the truth spill out.
The outcome of this election for me was less of a shock, and more like watching a storm roll in from the distance. The forecast was predictable, conditions were unfavorable for travelers, and yet the shops along the tide stayed open. Even as the levees were breached and people were swept away.
Now that the storm has made landfall, we must address our situation in order to survive. That means dealing with the ugly and uncomfortable realities that exist around us. Because life is more complex than we hope it to be, there are often more than one truths that shape our collective realities. Some truths are more obvious to me, like the intentional failure of the Democratic Party machine, the depth of how hard the right has out organized Progressives, and the breadth of access to alt right media in online spaces.
Some truths are harder to focus on for a myriad of reasons that attack our sense of selves at our core. The truth that the more leaders who stay in positions of power in our movements directly stifle the development of new leadership, and stifle our ability to build more power. The truth that while building relationships is at the core of our movements (and the core of our being as social creatures), building relationships beyond transactional ones aren’t encouraged. The truth that we in the US must contend with our changing geopolitical realities, especially as we head into a world with widening economic and social disparities caused by our Nation.
We must also contend with our personal truths, which are just as impactful as the truths around us: my daily actions do not always align with my values. What steps do I need to take to close that gap?
For those of us in movements, those of us who’ve committed our lives to building power for the people, we’re going to need to look around at our truths in order to effectively move forward. In order to build power, we have to have to be grounded in reality. This requires us to make a realistic assessment of our situation, of our opponents, and of what it takes for us to win.
Nothing exemplifies this more for me than getting diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder last year. Like many with ocd, I ruminate like it’s going out of style. I find myself in a constant thought loop about anything and everything.
A simple thought about a conversation I had earlier in the week can send me spiraling down a rabbit hole of worry: “Did I say something stupid? I did, didn’t I? What did I say? I feel like I hurt their feelings in some way? I said something really offensive to them, right? Fuck, did I accidentally show them a nude on my phone when I went to show them something else?”
Well, that escalated quickly. That’s ocd for you.
Through lots of work, I’ve learned that one way to combat the rumination is to address the thought head on. It’s hard not to judge, but I try to stop those thoughts from interrupting my ability to genuinely dealt with the thought. No matter how embarrassing it is, like wondering if I accidentally showed someone a nude, I have to address my thoughts rather than hoping it would just naturally go away.
A conversation with myself looks something like this: “Okay, let’s deal with this, kid. Did you accidentally show someone a nude? If you did, you probably would have been arrested for sexual harassment by now, so there’s that. Where is this thought coming from? Oh, maybe because I haven’t moved all my nudes to that special, private folder. Right. I’ll go do that now.”
Writing out my process is one thing. Living the process is another. I’m still shook with fear, but at least my nudes have been moved to the proper folder. But, it goes more or less like that.
Sometimes it’s as surface as dealing with a question about nudes. Sometimes the questions are much deeper and important for me to attend to. These questions usually get to the root of something within in me that I don’t usually want to turn to. “Why did I feel this way with that person? What has happened in our relationship? What is this thought teaching me? Where do I want to go from here?”
Since last year, I’ve been very intentional about dealing with my reality and the truths that lie within it. It’s taught me a few things, and has been helpful in my organizing and in my understanding of my purpose in movements. As it turns out, exposure and response therapy is also generally a good tool that can be used in order to get things done.
As a collective, we can be embarrassed about our truths. Democratic Party leadership will continue to kill the party and frame themselves as saviors in a few years. We progressives have been been out organized by the fascist party. It’s much easier to be radicalized by the alt right online than it is to be radicalized by those on the left.
And addressing these realities gets us closer to asking the questions that will help us move forward. What other models of leadership exist out there that we can practice? How can we support new and emerging leaders? How do we engage new people in online spaces? How do we make more online spaces accessible to those who are marginalized? How do we make space for more people in our movements? How can we get stronger at navigating internal conflict? How can I move my daily actions closer to my values?
My day to day life hasn't changed since the election. I'm still doing the same things I was going beforehand - every day I just attempt to be a little more aware and honest about reality than I was the day before.
In the end, maybe I didn’t accidentally show someone a nude. But asking the question helps me move forward, identify new opportunities, and get all those nudes in the appropriate locked folder on my phone1.
Addressing our reality is the only way to move forward. And we can only do that together.
The title of this segment, All Is Violent, All is Bright, is also the title of one of my favorite albums from God Is An Astronaut.
Birthday Fundraiser Updates
Thank you to everyone who donated, shared, and even hearted my birthday fundraiser post last year.
Today, we celebrate as a ceasefire deal seems to be upheld by israel. All power to the people in Palestine.
Here are the updates from the fundraiser:
What’s Been Getting Me Through
I’m starting a new segment in my Substack, a rundown of What’s Been Getting Me Through. I want to use it as a way to connect and as a running list of the things that have helped me at various times.
Metronomes. A good Metronome at 60 beats per minute has been keeping me sane. If I need to keep track of time or focus on a task for a specific amount of time, I throw on a metronome to keep me steady.
X-Men. Ever since X-Men ‘97 came out last year, I’ve been back on my X-Men bullshit. I’m currently re-watching X-Men The Animated Series from the early 90’s and it’s been a great way to unwind. I’ve also been reflecting a lot on social movements, especially where X-Men ‘97 has taken the story. In case you’re wondering, I’m with Magneto.
Daily Routines & Schedules. For the first time in my life, I started writing out my daily routines. Just seeing them is helpful for me to remember what to do next, and to stay on track with everything. Digging into routines has helped me stick to my schedules. This past week I had a minor surgery. To prepare, I did my morning routines and wrote out an ideal day ahead (which also included X-Men).
Doechii. The Swamp Princess has been my anthem. Boom Bap. Listen to Alligator Bites Never Heal.
Thanks for being along for the ride.
Kenyatta ✨
All noods have been moved to the private folder by the publishing of this entry.